


it takes everything in me (not to call you)

by bitterheart



Series: a kaleidoscope of memories [3]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:36:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22651123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitterheart/pseuds/bitterheart
Summary: Sylvain’s trying not to take it personally but he can’t figure out why Felix would give him his number in the first place if he isn’t going to talk to him.To make matters worse, Ingrid doesn’t feel even the slightest bit sorry for him.Sylvain tries to get in contact with Felix.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier, Ingrid Brandl Galatea & Sylvain Jose Gautier
Series: a kaleidoscope of memories [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1627099
Kudos: 104





	it takes everything in me (not to call you)

**Author's Note:**

> This is written for [FE3H Song Week](https://twitter.com/hashtag/FE3HSongWeek) Day 3: I Almost Do by Taylor Swift. Title taken from the lyrics of the same song.

_I bet you think I either moved on or hate you_   
_'cause each time you reach out there's no reply_

Sylvain is pretty sure that the universe hates him. If not the universe, then Felix, and he really doesn’t know how to deal with that fact.

He just doesn’t know how else to explain Felix coming back into his life for one night, for just one kiss, and then disappearing again. 

The phone number sits there, saved into his contacts like it’s mocking him. It’s been two weeks since Felix put his number into Sylvain’s phone and in that time, he’s sent all of Sylvain’s calls directly to voice mail and replied to only one message. 

Sylvain’s trying not to take it personally but he can’t figure out why Felix would give him his number in the first place if he isn’t going to talk to him. 

To make matters worse, Ingrid doesn’t feel even the slightest bit sorry for him. 

“You deserve this,” she says, adding insult to injury by swiping a handful of his fries from across the table at their local diner. “How many girls have you ghosted just like this when you decided you were done with them?”

“That’s different,” Sylvain insists. “This is Felix.”

“And maybe he decided he was done with you.” Ingrid isn’t pulling her punches today. She raises an eyebrow at him. “It’s not like you to care about someone not texting you back. Here I thought you dealt with rejection by rejecting three times as many people in retaliation.”

“Wow.” Sylvain laughs to hide the fact that it hurts. "You know me too well."

"You've been so busy moping and listening to Taylor Swift that you haven't even been leaving your usual trail of broken hearts." Ingrid folds her arms and rests them on the table in front of her. 

"You're absolutely right," Sylvain realises. "I should go out and pick someone up. That'll make everything better."

Ingrid sighs heavily, squeezing the bridge of her nose. "That's definitely not what I meant. I just thought you might want to… I don't know, explore why this is making you so upset. You could have made out with _anyone_ at that concert—"

"—And you would have killed me."

"That hasn't stopped you before." Ingrid steals another handful of fries, then smiles when Sylvain just gives up and pushes the entire basket of them across the table to her. "You wouldn't be doing this if it was anyone else. Why Felix?"

"I don't know," Sylvain says, too loud, too annoyed. It draws looks from some of the other people sitting inside. He sighs heavily, dropping his head into his hands. "He was my best friend, Ingrid. I would have done anything for him and then I just couldn't find him no matter how hard I tried, and then he shows up after all this time looking like the most gorgeous thing in the whole damn world and _I miss him_. I don't care if he never wants me to touch him again, I just want him to tell me how he's been and what he's been doing. I want to know everything I've missed." 

Ingrid hums, sounding worried. "Oh, you're serious about this."

Sylvain doesn't even lift his head out of his hands, groaning in defeat. 

"You said he texted you last week," Ingrid points out. "What happened after that?"

"Nothing." Sylvain laughs without humour, unlocking his phone and showing her their message thread. It starts with a message from Sylvain, then a reply from Felix a few days later. After that, three consecutive messages from Sylvain and resounding silence on Felix's end. "Maybe he just had a moment of weakness before remembering that he's ghosting me. Maybe he did it specifically so I'd lose sleep over it."

"This is Felix," Ingrid dismisses, shaking her head. "He probably didn't put that much thought into it. Maybe he wants to talk to you too but he's just afraid. He already lost you once. Maybe he doesn't want to let you in just to lose you again."

"I lost him too." Sylvain rests his head against the table, burying his face into the crook of his elbow. "And I don't want to lose him again."

"Maybe he needs space?" Ingrid reaches over, patting Sylvain's head. "He's been through a lot, Sylvain. You remember what he was like nine years ago but he's changed since then. If you keep pushing, you might push him away."

"Fine," he sighs. "I'll give him space."  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
Sylvain hits a bar the next night, determined to take someone home. He's good at this sort of thing, working his way through a crowd until he finds someone who wants exactly what he does: something easy, casual and fun.

He finds it in a hot blonde with heels so high he needs to look up to meet her eyes as he flirts with her. He's already having thoughts about getting her against a wall and dropping to his knees to push her skirt up out of his way, but then he catches a flash of dark hair pulled into a ponytail out of the corner of his eye and his turning away from her before she can even suggest to find somewhere else to go for the rest of the night. 

He tries a guy next, chestnut brown hair and a shy smile that grows wider every time Sylvain leans further in. He gets so close that their noses are brushing against each other, breath mingling in the small space between them, and Sylvain thinks, _Felix_.

He pulls back, cursing himself and apologising to the guy as he makes a weak excuse to leave. 

Giving up, Sylvain goes home. He texts Ingrid as he toes out of his shoes at the entrance of his apartment: _My dick is broken. Felix broke my dick._

Ingrid replies eight minutes later, unsympathetic as ever: _Finally._  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
For the next week, Sylvain tries not to text Felix. He mostly succeeds. Felix doesn't text back either way and sometimes, Sylvain really doesn't care. At other times, he considers deleting every trace of Felix in his phone, his number, their one-sided message threads, every record of him calling Felix's number, as if it would be just that easy to forget. 

He dreams of Felix's mouth, hot and firm and demanding against his. He dreams in what-ifs and wish fulfilment, sinking into sleep just to kiss Felix through an entire concert until their lips are pink and sore from overuse. He dreams of roaming hands and more of those desperate little noises Felix made against his mouth that night.

He wakes up feeling like he's missing a part of himself and lies awake in bed, staring at the ceiling and thinking about how he's never wanted anyone this badly before. It's just his luck that it happens with the one person who doesn't seem to want anything to do with him.

It's been three weeks since the concert now. Three weeks longer than he'd otherwise spend thinking about someone who didn't show enough interest in return. 

Sylvain figures that it's time to give up. He doesn't want to lose Felix, just like he didn't want to the first time around. Except this time is just like then. It's out of his control.

He sends Felix one last message: _Hey. I figure you don't wanna talk, and that's cool. You probably regret giving me your number so I'll just conveniently lose it lol. No big deal. It was nice seeing you that night._

He's still deliberating over actually deleting Felix's number when his phone starts ringing. _Felix Fraldarius_ , his screen reads, like this is a challenge. Or some kind of joke.

Sylvain's hands are shaking when he answers, bringing his phone to his ear. "Hello?"

There's silence on the other end. Sylvain sighs heavily, feeling foolish to expect anything different. "Felix—"

"Sylvain." Felix's voice is quiet but Sylvain can hear all the edges to it all the same. It's the first time Sylvain has heard Felix say his name for nine years and he says it with a familiarity that makes Sylvain's chest hurt. His voice is so different from anything Sylvain remembers, and that hurts too.

"You didn't have to call, you know. I meant what I said in my message. I'll stop bothering you."

"Don't," Felix tells him. "…Don't stop."

Sylvain lets out a quiet huff of something that feels halfway between amusement and anger. It's been three weeks. Felix has given him nothing more than a single message. 

"I can't do this, Felix. I can't keep pushing forward when all you do is push me back. I can't be the only one trying."

"I know." Felix sighs heavily on the other end. "I miss you." 

_Fuck you_ , Sylvain wants to say. He presses his phone against his ear a little harder. "I miss you too."

"I gave you my number because I wanted to talk to you." Felix sounds like the words are being forced out of him. "I still want to."

"What are you doing this Friday night?" Sylvain asks. If he can just see Felix in person, without Felix disappearing on him before then, maybe he'll believe this is real. "Let's have dinner."

"Tell me where," Felix says, just as serious as he always when they were younger. "I'll be there." 

"Yeah." Sylvain smiles despite himself. Despite all the fear. "You better be."


End file.
